


Rubatosis

by Large_baguette



Category: Captain America (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), infinity war - Fandom
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Dialogue, Funeral, Gen, Homecoming, I'm Bad At Tagging, Iron Man - Freeform, Rubatosis, Suicide, attempted comfort, minor religious pondering, spiderman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 10:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15579987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Large_baguette/pseuds/Large_baguette
Summary: Rubatosis: The awareness of your own heartbeat





	Rubatosis

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! A slightly more thought out fic than the last one. Don't read if you're sensitive to suicide!! Not a lot of details, but it's still better safe than sorry. Enjoy! :)

Peter Parker experienced rubatosis more times than he could count. Being who he was, it was an unavoidable aspect of his existence. Six times in particular he remembered noticing the relentless pounding of his heart.

The first time was when he first met Tony Stark, or rather, when Tony Stark appeared in his apartment to whisk him off to Germany.

-Quick question of the rhetorical variety.  
Tony pulls out his phone, which shows a video of Peter in his suit.  
-That's you, right?  
-Um, no. What do you. What do you mean?  
-Yeah. Look at you go. Wow! Nice catch. 3,000 pounds, 40 miles an hour. That's not easy. You got mad skills.  
-That's all- That's all on Youtube, though, right? I mean, that's where you found that? Because you know that's all fake. It's all done on the computer.  
-Mm-Hmm.  
-It's like that video. What is it?  
-Yeah yeah yeah yeah… Oh you mean like those UFOs over Phoenix?  
-Exactly.  
-Oh, what have we here?  
He pushes at the opening of the attic, and out drops Peter’s suit.  
-Uh… That's a…  
-So. You're the… Spider… ling. Crime-fighting Spider… You're Spider-Boy?  
Peter folds his arms like a toddler being scolded.  
-S… Spider-Man.  
-Not in that onesie, you're not.

The second time was when he had his suit taken away by the man who gave it to him. At the time he didn’t understand why, and maybe he never did.

-I just wanted to be like you.  
He doesn’t lie. After all, his life’s motto was basically “What Would Tony Stark Do?”  
-And I wanted you to be better. It's not working out. I'm gonna need the suit back.  
-For how long?  
-Forever.  
Peter shakes his head. Tears well up in his eyes.  
-Yeah, that's how it works.  
-No, no. Please.  
-Let's have it.  
-Please, this is all I have. I'm nothing without this suit.  
-If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it. Okay?  
-God, I sound like my dad.  
-I don't have any other clothes.  
He’s grasping for straws. It’s not working.  
-Okay, we'll sort that out.

The third time was when he turned down the offer to become an Avenger. He thought it was a test, and in some ways it was.

-You'll fit right in.  
Tony’s talks as if he’s already made all these big plans, something about Vision? Peter doesn’t know.  
-Thank you, Mr. Stark. But I'm - I’m good.  
-You're good? Good-- ? How are you good?  
Tony’s confused.  
-Well, I mean, I'd rather just stay on the ground for a little while. Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Somebody's got to look out for the little guy, right?  
-You're turning me down? You better think about this.  
Tony takes off his sunglasses.  
-Look at that.  
He gestures to the Iron Spider suit.  
-Look at me.  
He gestures back to himself.  
-Last chance. Yes or no?  
-No.  
-Okay. It's kind of a Springsteen-y, working-class hero vibe that I dig. Happy will take you home.  
-Yeah?  
-Yeah. Mind waiting in the car? I need a minute.  
-Thank you, Mr. Stark.  
-Yes, Mr. Parker, very well.  
They shake hands.  
-See you around.  
-Okay.  
Peter starts heading down the hallway, but halfway he stops and turns around  
-That was a test, right?  
He’s just making sure.  
-There's nobody back there?  
-Yes, you passed. All right, skedaddle there, young buck.  
-Thank you, Mr. Stark.  
-Yeah, thank you.

The fourth time was on Titan, after Thanos acquired all of the infinity stones. Half the world disappeared that day, and Peter was one of them.

-Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good…  
His spidey-senses won’t shut up.  
-You're alright…  
He’s not alright.  
-I don't- I don't know what's happening…  
He stumbles into Tony’s arms, and they both fall to the ground.  
-I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go. I'm sorry …  
Peter’s last sight is that of Tony’s panicked face, trying to keep calm for him.  
He disappears.

The fifth time was at May Parker’s funeral. It was a cruel joke that fate had played, she died only a few days after getting her nephew back.

-Hey, kid, are you… gonna be alright?  
He doesn’t think he will ever be. He doesn't answer.  
-Do you… do you want to say a few words?  
-No.  
-Alright, I get it. I’m - I’m really sorry. About all of… this.  
The sight of Tony in his expensive suit and those stupid orange-tinted sunglasses sends him over the edge. He doesn’t know if it’s his grief, or anger, or whatever else, but at that moment he doesn’t really care.  
-God, just leave me alone, okay?!  
Tony looks hurt.  
-Alright.

The sixth time was when he was holding the gun to his head with a suicide note beside him. There was no one else in the room, which he was grateful for.  


-Goodbye.  
Who was he talking to? Some notion of a god, or God with a capital G? It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing did. Nothing would, in a few seconds.  
A smile, a bang, and he fell limp. 

Tony Stark experienced rubatosis more times than he could count. Being who he was, it was an unavoidable aspect of his existence. He never bothered keeping track, but walking into the room to find a dead Peter Parker with a suicide note, a gun, and a hole in his head was one of them.


End file.
